No Hors D'Oeuvres in Hollywood

And it's been nearly four months since I've written in my blog. But you'll forgive me, right? I wrote this a few months ago by hand (that's right, people still do that) and had yet to make time to type it up. Until now. Thank you, wet weather, for forcing me inside to reluctantly face my growing to-do list.

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I don't belong in Hollywood. Yes, I live in Los Angeles. I've lived in the great county for the past six, sunny years, but let's be clear -- I've lived in Long Beach and Venice, both far cries from the home of The Strip, the hustle, the industry, the tinseled town that beckoned me into a BA in filmmaking and a brief stint as a PA on several sunken indie films. I rarely make the 15-mile haul at will. I'm either forced for a professional engagement, desperate to see a friend or simply unwilling to miss an event.

In late August, I accepted a press invite to attend a swanky Hollywood bar, one which I'd never experienced but had been on my list for years (and will go unnamed), for a French-themed evening of wine, hors d'oeuvres and crepes. For Free. Even the valet was free. I RSVPed and invited one of my favorites to accompany me. As I don't wish to offend the lovely PR girl who extended the invitation or anyone else involved in the soiree, I will be intentionally obscure and have cleverly renamed the celebrities for whom I ate and drank that night.

On the day of the event, among the hundreds of other emails flooding my inbox, I opened and hastily closed several email updates bold-facing which celebrities would be in attendance that night (because I cared). Brandi Door, Jackie Bing, Geneva Ocurry and Betsy Downs are all going to make appearances! They'll be dressed in their press photo best, clad in big names and coveted labels, and huddle together in a small, exclusive, awkward group, careful not to touch the commoners, the peasants actually sampling the goods for which the entire fete was thrown. They'll later be ushered to the edge of the bar next to a prop, them acting as a props, then planted at various other planned photo op spots throughout the evening (which for them lasted only about 30 minutes).

I felt bad for them as I indulged, paying no mind to my waistline. As my sidekick and I stood in the romantic lighting, sipping and accepting and tasting, carefully plucking works of food porn from silver trays and ordering the greasiest, cheesiest of crepes, they politely (and swiftly) declined. Would you like to try...? No, thank you. Would you care for...? Elegant wave of hand. My wheels turned as I witnessed the underindulgence, the restriction, the wall built by the very town in which they stood and patronized: I'll eat for them, I thought. And I did.

My dress, shockingly a size or two too big, welcomed the extra calories. I delighted in knowing that while they were getting paid to appear, then just as quickly disappear, I was getting to eat and drink whatever the fuck I wanted. And that, my friends, is why I don't belong in Hollywood.

The next day I opened yet another email from the PR company noting gossip shared between the leading ladies, entertaining bits they'd delivered the previous night, along with the photos I'd watched being taken. The email asked if I planned on covering the event for LAist. I replied that I couldn't quite find the angle.

How To Rule The World As A Woman

Why hello, little blog! It's been an embarrassingly long time since we connected. Though in my defense, I have been especially busy this year. I finally scratched my itch to volunteer abroad in May: My sharp, brave and endlessly fun friend Nikki and I—who now answers to Dr. McKinsey, for the record—and I traveled to Thailand and volunteered our hearts and hands at TCDF Eco-Logic, an eco-centric organization dedicated to supporting the Thai Child Development Foundation. My experience—one of which I highly recommend—has undoubtedly altered my life, refocusing my priorities and opening my eyes to real issues (no, not the devastating news that your favorite food truck no longer rolls along your route) as well as a simpler, more loving life. It took considerable time to prep for the month-long trip, and to recover and reluctantly reconnect with my American life. As a woman who usually assimilates relatively effortlessly when confronted with new worlds, the trip affected me so intensely, I spent all of June and most of July in a mild state of recovery. Photos of our journey can be viewed here, here, here and here.

But agreed, that's no excuse to abandon my personal blog. I have, however, been ferociously typing away at LAist, enlightening readers on various Los Angeles issues, news and entertainment goodies. This weekend marks one of the few free couple of days I've had since my return from Southeast Asia, and I've so far spent a healthy portion of it reading Anne-Marie Slaughter's engrossing op-ed in The Atlantic, "Why Woman Still Can't Have It All." Though I urge you to carve out some time to read the piece in its entirety, which can be found in the July/August 2012 print issue and, of course, online here, I feel compelled to share a few snippets that especially grappled my attention and warranted a highlight.

The piece, which owns pages 84 though 102 in the magazine, explores the current social policies and career tracks that inhibit women from serving successfully as both mothers and full-time career superpowers in the present and offers steps as to how women someday can "have it all" on an equal playing field with men. Having just turned 29 with a marital status of "single" and without children, I can't say I share Slaughter's shoes. But I can proudly ring the feminist bell while pondering how I will shape my life once I decide to start a family.

Here are some of my favorite points from the rousing read:

The best hope for improving the lot of all women, and for closing what Wolfers and Stevenson call a “new gender gap”—measured by well-being rather than wages—is to close the leadership gap: to elect a woman president and 50 women senators; to ensure that women are equally represented in the ranks of corporate executives and judicial leaders. Only when women wield power in sufficient numbers will we create a society that genuinely works for all women. That will be a society that works for everyone.

My longtime and invaluable assistant, who has a doctorate and juggles many balls as the mother of teenage twins, e-mailed me while I was working on this article: “You know what would help the vast majority of women with work/family balance? MAKE SCHOOL SCHEDULES MATCH WORK SCHEDULES.” The present system, she noted, is based on a society that no longer exists—one in which farming was a major occupation and stay-at-home moms were the norm. Yet the system hasn’t changed. 

I do not believe fathers love their children any less than mothers do, but men do seem more likely to choose their job at a cost to their family, while women seem more likely to choose their family at a cost to their job.

You should be able to have a family if you want one—however and whenever your life circumstances allow—and still have the career you desire. If more women could strike this balance, more women would reach leadership positions. And if more women were in leadership positions, they could make it easier for more women to stay in the workforce. The rest of this essay details how.

Still, armed with e-mail, instant messaging, phones, and videoconferencing technology, we should be able to move to a culture where the office is a base of operations more than the required locus of work.

Space for play and imagination is exactly what emerges when rigid work schedules and hierarchies loosen up. Skeptics should consider the “California effect.” California is the cradle of American innovation—in technology, entertainment, sports, food, and lifestyles. It is also a place where people take leisure as seriously as they take work; where companies like Google deliberately encourage play, with Ping-Pong tables, light sabers, and policies that require employees to spend one day a week working on whatever they wish. Charles Baudelaire wrote: “Genius is nothing more nor less than childhood recovered at will.” Google apparently has taken note.

These women [Hillary Clinton, Christine Lagarde, Angela Merkel, Susan Rice] are extraordinary role models. If I had a daughter, I would encourage her to look to them, and I want a world in which they are extraordinary but not unusual. Yet I also want a world in which, in Lisa Jackson’s words, “to be a strong woman, you don’t have to give up on the things that define you as a woman.” That means respecting, enabling, and indeed celebrating the full range of women’s choices. “Empowering yourself,” Jackson said in her speech at Princeton, “doesn’t have to mean rejecting motherhood, or eliminating the nurturing or feminine aspects of who you are.”

If women are ever to achieve real equality as leaders, then we have to stop accepting male behavior and male choices as the default and the ideal. We must insist on changing social policies and bending career tracks to accommodate our choices, too. We have the power to do it if we decide to, and we have many men standing beside us.

One Month, Three Interviews (And Counting)

As a writer in Los Angeles, I am never without assignment or idea. I recently interviewed four talented people and crafted three entertaining posts. In case you missed them on LAist, my Facebook page, The LL Times Facebook page or my Twitter, I've included blurbs for each article below, paired with a link.

After witnessing six dudes from Kansas rock out on The Hotel Café stage February 28, I had no choice but to track them down and find out how they became Quiet Corral and if they'd play my 30th birthday bash in 2013. Here's what we discussed: Musical Kansans Quiet Corral Rocked L.A., & Now They're Headed To The Moon.

I have yet to experience songstress Meg Myers live, but one look and listen to her "Monster" music video, and I knew I had to get to know this lady on a darker level. She's a playful one: The Fierce, Musical Meg Myers On Shitting In Her Diaper, Going Braless & Real-Life Monsters.

If you're an Angeleno, you've surely heard of YAS. Founder Kimberly Fowler helped the LA Roadrunners prep for Sunday's Honda LA Marathon by forcing them to kick off their running shoes and stretch into Yoga for Athletes - her signature workout. She details three yoga poses that are perfect for runners in Why Runners Should Be Yogis: A Talk With YAS Founder Kimberly Fowler.

Are you interesting or know someone who is? Let's chat.

Why Handmade Jewelry Is Worth The Pretty Penny

I wrote the below business feature for my Bootcamp for Journalists class over a year ago, and though my relentless pitches to various publications proved unsuccessful, I think this piece is worth a read, not only because I spent hours interviewing talented jewelry designers and researching the industry (plus the time and effort dedicated by the artists to answer my many questions!), but because I feel we should educate ourselves on products and buy with our brains. Ask yourself this simple question: Why would you choose to support corporations and sweatshops when you can support a friend, a neighbor, a local artist and score a quality product? If your answer relates to money, I understand. But I urge you to think beyond numbers and wrap your mind around industry - both global and local. I urge you to read on.

Buy Handmade: The Livelihoods of Local Jewelry Designers

Masses of jewelry consumers are running out to nab the latest $5 accessory offered at retailers like Forever 21, H&M and major department stores. These corporate bamboozlers keep their prices low by mass-producing their products using cheap materials and exporting fabrication to other countries, such as China and Bali. In these factories, underpaid workers man machines in substandard working conditions. Quite commonly these consumers will get what they pay for, experiencing the mediocre quality through broken rungs, chipping surface plates and disappearing charms. Creating handmade jewelry is laborious, time-consuming, technical and scientific - a complex yet artistically rewarding creative process. It is also an extremely difficult way to make a living.

As with any industry, responsibility lies in the consumer’s hands to research products. If consumers were better armed with the knowledge of handmade jewelry design, perhaps they would be more likely to buy it, more likely to invest in a work of art. David Posnett, jewelry designer and owner of Maidstone Jewelry in NYC, feels that generally “customers are totally ignorant of the pricing” and of the craft but happily answers queries, often referring them to his thoroughly researched jewelry blog.

Layla Niebrugge, jewelry designer and owner of Laylabelle Designs in Philadelphia, has received “every reaction you can think of” from customers. “I had customers that were astonished at the bargain they were getting, customers who just weren't willing to pay the amount I was asking for, and I've even had customers who said ‘No, that will be too pricey’ without even coming into my booth to look at the prices.” Interestingly enough, Niebrugge’s price range is $15-$75, one that is very reasonable but misunderstood by uneducated consumers. 

Earrings by Laylabelle Designs

Most designers create low-end and high-end pieces to accommodate a range of buyers. Melissa Glim, jewelry designer and owner of Melissa Glim Fine Jewelry, finds that customers follow a certain pattern whilst perusing art shows. Shoppers almost always initially reach for the expensive piece but are immediately discouraged by the price. Still attracted to the collection, they will opt for a less expensive piece, like a pair of earrings. “They just don’t have the money for that. It’s like buying the wallet since I can’t get the dress,” says Glim, who is based out of Washington, DC.

Pricing handmade jewelry is an art unto itself. First, a maker must be sure the costs of materials and labor are covered. But artisans also need to closely study their target audience. How much is a New Yorker willing to pay for 18K gold bangles? Will an Angeleno pay more or less? There are formulas to pricing, such as the “times 2, times 2” or the “times 3, times 3,” in which artists will start with the materials cost, double or triple for wholesale then double or triple again for retail.

Sandy Leong, a jewelry designer in NYC, works mainly with recycled 18k gold and conflict-free diamonds. The current price of gold is approximately $1,728 per ounce, so Leong’s pieces range from $100 to $250,000. Her 18k gold Charity Twist Bangles cost between $3,500-$4,000, depending on the type of gold and incorporation of diamonds. Because the price of sterling silver is so much lower than gold (just about $34 an ounce), she also offers the bracelet in sterling silver without stones for $125.

Materials greatly affect the creation process, determining what tools and techniques will come into play. An imagination, extensive knowledge of the craft plus a pair of impassioned and dexterous hands are the first set of necessary tools. Drafting a design may take minutes or hours. As fabrication transpires, the design can potentially change as the designer shapes the materials. Niebrugge’s 3 Birds on a Wire necklace, comprised of sterling silver and copper, is hand cut using a jeweler’s saw. She then files “every nook and cranny and along the edges.” The edges as well as the back and front of the cut-out are sanded by hand, starting with a lower grit then progressing to a higher one to “create a smooth edge without any filing marks.” She does the same for the copper backing, sometimes adding a patina to the copper. This process involves much preparation and is followed by customizing and attaching the wire chain. She spends about two hours on each necklace and sold approximately 20 of them last year. The necklace retails for $29.

Glim’s bestseller, Diana Hairband, takes approximately eight hours to complete and involves threading 300-400 pearls, crystals and beads to the band. She finishes the piece with metal rigs on the inside (so that a veil can be added if desired) and adds a strip of ribbon to avoid itch. The price tag for this piece is between $100-$125.

Golden Echo Earrings by Sandy Leong

Like Glim and Niebrugge, Posnett and Leong also work with metals, utilizing carving, molding, casting, forming and soldering techniques. Leong spends about a week total creating a new design for a pair of her Golden Echo earrings. She first carves new designs in wax, creating a mold, then casts it into 18k yellow gold, adjusts several times, hand polishes, adds ear wire, solders and applies the final touches. Her Teardrop and Oval designs require setting champagne diamonds, a step that she pays a professional stone setter to handle. Posnett also enlists professional setting help. Working on a new ring design, he has spent the last few weeks just perfecting the wax model.

Traveling to and from stone setters are not the only travel expenses incurred by designers. In addition to scouring the web for materials, they buy from wholesalers, individual stone sellers, local jewelry districts, mom-and-pop shops and trade shows. If displayed in stores, designers visit their work often, switching out pieces to test popularity and boost sales.

Etsy stores, websites and blogs require constant upkeep. Some find Etsy to be very beneficial to their business, though Niebrugge describes the shopping experience as “kind of like finding a needle in a haystack if you haven’t recently posted an item.” Posnett assigns tags to his items on Etsy, like “wedding,” “bridal” and “engagement ring.” His Etsy store receives about 10-30 hits per day, outperforming his blog and website (5-10 hits per day). He also converses with Etsy shoppers who “favorite” his items. “These are the people you want to talk to,” he says. The use of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter helps promote their businesses via posts featuring new items and events.

Diana Hairband by Melissa Glim Fine Jewelry

Promoting work at shows and fairs is highly encouraged but comes with a risk. Glim warns that designers must be ready for 10% loss due to theft at shows.

Some designers, like Leong, enlist the help of a publicist, which has served her very well. Her work has been featured in such glossies as Glamour and People. Actress Kristen Stewart was recently photographed sporting her Halo Stackable Ring with Diamonds. Sales and traffic to her website increased directly due to this celebrity exposure. Adding to the benefits of press coverage, Leong says, “It is a great arsenal to bring in with me when presenting my jewelry to potential buyers, too.”

Gold Ring With 4 Rough Diamonds by Maidstone Jewelry

Before this extensive process even begins, designers devote much of their time to networking, researching trends and hunting for clientele online. Attending fashion shows and subscribing to a slew of magazines and newsletters, they follow and are inspired by current jewelry trends. Glim will “sit for hours” Googling various keywords and reviewing photos of NYC runway shows on the New York Times site. She even plans vacations around inspiring exhibits. Posnett’s current focus is engagement rings. With the aim of building interest in his product and ultimately gain a new client, he surfs wedding sites and converses with brides-to-be. He loves working with customers and welcomes commissioned work. In fact, 50% of his sales are commissioned pieces. He’s a bride and groom’s dream.

A jewelry designer’s dream, like any artist, is to earn enough to support his or her livelihood, progressing his or her hobby into a career. Many designers supplement their incomes, some with completely unrelated jobs. Niebrugge, Posnett and Glim all work fulltime jobs aside from manning their jewelry lines. Leong is fortunate that her husband makes a good living so she can focus her energy on her craft, in addition to raising her two children.

An automated process operated by factory machines that handle the “grunt work,” as Glim puts it, cannot and will not deliver a unique, valuable piece of jewelry like that of a handmade jewelry designer. As Niebrugge so perfectly and passionately describes, “It's the little imperfections of a piece made by two hard working hands that give jewelry and any handmade creation its character.” Posnett adds, “It’s not an easy way to make a living. You better love what you are doing.”

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If I'd crafted this piece more recently, I would've included Golden Plume as a resource, a new L.A.-based handmade jewelry line, created by my talented, dear friend, Nita Blum. Enjoy.

Hand Painted Jasper & Gold Plated Earrings by Golden Plume

Zack Galifianakis On Double Lives

Shortly before Christmas 2011, HBO gifted the show "Bored To Death" with an early holiday present. The networked canned the comedy series, leaving fans with nothing more than three seasons - 24 episodes - of funnymen Jason Schwartzman, Zack Galifianakis and Ted Danson. In my usual fashion, I'm late to the tube and just recently started watching the show. The plot lines are delightfully absurd, hugely entertaining, addictive and make me pine for New York City. Though I'm only two episodes deep into the eccentric world of pseudo private detective Jonathan Ames, I feel strangely connected to the program, perhaps because the main character is a writer, like myself, or maybe because j'adore Galifianakis. In fact, a line he delivered during the second episode of season one struck a chord in my think tank.

"We all lead double lives."

We do? I pondered the notion for a bit, thinking about my friends and family, wondering who's moonlighting as a sex slave, who's sneaking out to underground gay sex gatherings and who's cheating on their special someone. Okay, so I mainly thought about sex. But then I took a huge leap backwards to think about double lives on a less severe level, less deep into the separate distinctions of self. Who shows their true colors, and who masks the unattractive qualities of their personalities? There, that's a little easier on the brain.

Clark Kent & Superman. DC Comics.

Clark Kent lived a double life. So did Dr. Jekyll. These are extreme alter ego cases. "Bored To Death" follows the double life of Ames, who (hardly) works as a novelist/journalist and secretly as an unlicensed private detective. Richie Tenenbaum from Wes Anderson's "The Royal Tenenbaums" may have lived a double life, or maybe his story is simply a case of a risqué secret. Quietly in love with his adopted sister, Margot, Richie - a professional tennis player - expresses his love via paintings of Margot and abandons his tennis career for the sea and emotional break-downs once she marries. The two later enjoy a few make-out sessions then agree to remain secretly in love with each other. I suppose there's a distinct line between leading a double life and suppressing a heavy secret.

Here's another fictional example - Dexter: bloodstain pattern analyst by day, socially conscious serial killer by night. Speaking of serial killers, let's not forget about Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho." The affluent NYC banking exec slaughters women when the sun retires, sometimes in the midst of fornication. Note: Do not watch this film at night in a cabin in the woods. You will not sleep well.

But people who lead double lives are exciting, right? Of course, in reality, no one's supposed to know about the dueling existences. In fiction, the readers and viewers are let in on the closeted information, making for a common character theme in both film and television. The anticipation of the character getting caught is enthralling, injects anxiety and hooks the audience.

Although entertaining, is leading a mildly double life healthy? I highly doubt leading a true double life is good for the mind, body or soul. Shouldn't we just be who we are regardless of whether or not the doors are closed or open, the curtains drawn or lifted? I wish we as humans could be honest with and accepting of the truth. Maybe the gentle, benevolent girl rushes home at night to beat her boyfriend. Perhaps the well-educated scholar with a graduate degree nailed to his wall projects an image of intellect and enlightenment but is sadly unable to apply any of his skills in society - though he'll never admit it. Does the seemingly successful entrepreneur dispersing thick, glossy business cards day in and day out retire to her cramped abode to sulk over life's repeated failures? What if the homophobe sporting a penis slips under the covers to enjoy a penis peek on occasion (or rather consistently)? Are these examples of double lives or just normalities of being human?

The truth is, there is little truth in this world. So that makes the wonderful world of the arcane normal. Masks are common, and I think we all harbor a constantly evolving collection.

I posted the following query on my Facebook wall last week: "I'm curious friends. Do you think humans all lead double lives?" Psted below are the few comments, which tickled me.

"it's possible... Some of us may have been put on earth with a plan given by the higher ups from planet nebula.. i think I'm giving too much away." -Keri LaLena

"Each person has four within their brains competing and complimenting: anima/animus, persona, shadow and self. Maybe a person only manifests two and yields a double life, but often there are more. It seems to me people often have different lives for different social milieus." -GB Hajim

"Yes one with my kids and one without them!" -Monica Wagner

"You just made me wanna watch Confessions of a Dangerous Mind." -Erin Von Wompwomp

"No, I think some people really are genuine all the time. I do think, though, that everyone shows different aspects of themselves in different situations and for different people. The ones that do that and it all comes from the same place inside them, though - those are the real gems! :)" - Gabriela Worrel

Do I lead a double life? I'll never tell.

Lauren's (Tardy) Year In Review

Is it seriously 2012? Somehow, among a whirlwind, week-long trip to the east coast, a NYE wedding and then an abrupt thrust back into the real world, I missed this important fact. It's a new year. I should have my missions set. I should have pondered resolutions, stale and fresh, and defined my annual list. I should have laid off the treats during the holidays. I should have done a lot of things to prepare for the new year, like slept, but I did not. And that's okay. And that's why I'm finally publishing my first 2012 blog post. 2011 was an important year for me, full of change, knowledge, travel and growth. And I need to preserve all pivotal events somewhere more reliable than my own memory. So, I'm listing below my personal highlights of last year - gains, losses, life. You may not care about my life, though I promise I'm interesting. Warning: This is a selfish post. It's all about me. But please, have a read then overwhelm me with personal details of your top 2011 moments. I care about your life. Promise.

*Left my job at JibJab of 3.5 years to follow my dream to become a professional writer.

*The moment my orthopedist granted me permission to remove my big black boot and walk on my left foot again.

*The day my orthopedist released me from his care.

*Scored a full-time, work-from-home editing position with LAist, a fabulous L.A. blog I'd been contributing to since January 2011.

*Hudson bought a cabin in Running Springs, CA in March. From this acquisition, I got a taste of what it's like to be a homeowner, to tackle home improvement projects, to cultivate various flower gardens, to have a hideaway nestled in the San Bernardino Mountains, 100 miles from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.

*My nephew, Camden Ryan Lloyd, was born in April, and he's a true Lloyd - a gentle giant. He's the fattest and happiest baby I've ever met.

*Visited with my Mummy five times this year, a sure record since I ran away to California in 2006.

*Rocked the Virgin Islands (U.S. & BVI) twice - once with my mom and once for Hudson's 30th birthday adventure, where we chartered a private catamaran to guide us 'round the islands.

*Adhering to one of my 2011 new year's resolutions, I dropped about 40 pounds last year, though I may or may not have gained a few back in December 2011/January 2012. Don't judge me.

*Dusted off my skiing skills and am shredding the slopes again.

*Experienced Sedona with Grasshoppa.

*Two of my dearest buddies got married.

*Four of my dearest buddies got engaged.

*Three of my dearest ladyfriends are preggers.

*One of my closest ladyfriends gave birth to an adorable baby girl with a fabulous name - Liesel.

*My brother graduated from college.

*Enjoyed visits from a few of my favorite east coasters, including my mama, Crusty Peefart, Beekah, Samuel, Kara and Oggy.

*Reconnected with my crafty spirit via jewelry-making classes.

*COACHELLA.

*I turned 28.

It's been real, 2011. 2012, we need to talk. What are you conquering this year, friends?